A lot of really bullshit things. You see i have found that one mans guide to being decent does not suit another. I have tried following in the footsteps of some of the greats, following there guidelines and there ideals, learning from there mistakes and trying to improve on there ways but it never works. All life is different, regardless of who you are where you are or anything else. We really are all unique, regardless of how much we try and be like others or follow a cliche or style ourselves like someone else we will always have certain things that make us... us.
I don't know where this will go tonight, Ive already vented my thoughts to an incredibly beautiful woman who will never see me the way id like to and will never see herself the way i do. She listens well and responds the way everyone does, with very few comments apart from how honest i am and how i let her know everything. I lie, quite often in fact but only to those who it will not hurt, and i don't mean those who i believe it will not hurt i mean those who it want. Customers, randoms, shop keeps, people i will never see again simple because of the situation i meet them in the first place, so i lie. I invent a new world for myself where i am studying/travelling/recovering, basically anything with an ing and Ive probably told someone that I'm doing it. Why? for the fun, for the pure creation of a story believable by another human, because i like to interest people and push the boundaries of my own innovative writing... but to her, and to others who care to listen i do not lie. i am honest and true to a point that scares people a little i think. I bare my soul, Ive never really nailed down why. an old friend of mine once told me i love unconditionally and i think that being so honest with people may be a part of that, i want people to see me for who i am, as i have said many times and i keep giving people the chance... and all they can respond with is your honest and wow.
GAHGSGYWDSV. frustrated. how did i get here? Longreach i understand, here i have no clue. sitting in my room, a girl in love me, me liking two girls one more then the other, my mind in shambles and my sadness having a field day. I think ill call it a night otherwise ill just end up repeating myself although Ive still only said half of what i set out to say. Know that i will always find you beautiful inside and out, and i will be able to move on a somewhat happy man.
goodnight. sleep well. sweet dreams.
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