Something interesting and intriguing shall follow...

So I was thinking today as i stood under the incredibly hot water of my shower i hope people don't dismiss my writngs because of a few posts. Talent doesnt go and then come back but my moods affect me a great deal and this all began because i had no one to talk to so it became my outlet for life. My place to scream and shout, metaphorically ofcourse. If you do come across this whoever you may be i hope you go back to the begining when i was more of the me id like to be. When i wrote with passion and not anger or atleast constructive anger and not blind rage.

I take a lot of examples from movies, how we are portrayed onscreen what we want to see, what we pay to see. Movies filled with heroes, hundreds of them over and over again, saving the girl, saving the world, saving their kids, saving honor, saving just about anything. We go, we watch, we leave satisfied but why? These people do not exist, they are figments of somebody elses imagination, there are heroes in this worlds but far less then those who appear in the movies. Why? does that not strike anyone else as odd? that we have to look to the big screen for our insperation for our entertainment, in search of heroes most poeple end up in blockbuster picking the newest Brad Pitt flick. I admit my collection of movies is vast, larger then anyone else that i know inface but that not stop me from looking for them in real life. i yearn to meet them, to know of there lives and there stories, to know if i have what it takes to follo in the footsteps of great men. To make my track, to walk alone from the masses and into a world where people do the right thing, where all men are men, where we all stand equal, where we fight injustice and wrongdoing. Even as i type it i know it sounds pathetic, like something a wide eyed child would babble after reading a comic, but why does it have to be so? Would it be so hard to do whats right, to help the old lady with her groceries, to ask the lone girl whats wrong when you can see shes crying, to stand up to bullies and thieves and liars, to respect those who deserve it. When did we stop being good people? you dont even have to live to the standards of the heroes you jsut have to start doing whats right for everyone, instead of just yourself. Don't be the better man, be the best man. And for those of you who are born into greatness, be grateful, some of us spend our whole lives hoping it will be thrust upon us.

With that i bid you goodnight.

It would be nice...

To open this page up and find someone had read it and found it something more than nothing at all would make feel a little more whole inside. At the moment I'm alone, I'm walking through ''a forest of concrete and steel'' (I cannot remember where I stole that line from but it’s awesome so I'm using it) filled with those in fancy dress and those too poor to buy it, those from other places and those from no place at all really. We all live in a world filled with people but some of us are as alone as alone can be. The single cacti breaking the horizon, the only thing to cast a shadow for hundreds of miles. (It sucks that miles sounds so good, kilometres just kinda ruins the flow). Anyway enough of the sappy mystic metaphysical crap and all the stuff in brackets to, I really must try and resist the urge to explain everything I think and why I think it.

So this week things have gone from bad to worse. I have sunken into the pit of self-loathing and hatred that I haven't managed to find the bottom of yet. It seems the more I struggle the deeper I slide... as a matter of fact it seems like no matter I do I find myself deeper in this hole, and with the rate I’m falling I hope to hell there is something soft at the bottom.. I've never been a great writer but I spit out some brilliant albeit short stuff more often than most people think. Fuck. I have come to a standstill in my writings again, which means that all this wasn’t leading to some brilliant dam breaking spasm of writing genius is was just a build-up to nothing which will of course leave me feeling even worse. Goodnight people (no one actually) if I’m not here tomorrow I'll see you all in hell when you decide to join me.

It's been a long time since I came around...

So I'm very much over being the only one like me. I'm not all that unique or even that different, a little weird yes but weird isn't as weird as it used to be. I have a thing for self sacrifice, let's refer to it as a hero complex. I help people, self esteem problems no worries Lee's here, need to get over that ex? No worries I got it covered. Need help with just about anything that involves feelings or motivation I'm your man. Now here's the part where everyone goes who have you really helped? And I honestly have helped people BUT they are all maybe kinda definitely females. *enter in the incredibly cliche Ohhhhhhh* it's not a sexual thing or a giving a little to get a little it's a guys can't help guys with that stuff. Even my best friend and I don't go that deep because that deep is balls deep and balls deep is gay. So I help who will let me help which of course is only the ladies, and in the end I end up getting attached because to help I find out everything I can about someone and then focus on the good parts so freaking hard I convince myself that girl is practically perfect. Anyone can tell anyone there beautiful but very few people can mean it as deeply and truly as someone who loves them. It's a bit fucked on my part because well as i explained, I never get the girl so it always ends in heartache for me, but I work past it and move on and add it to my list of things that make me go holy shit that hurts when I think about them. What I'm waiting for though, what this whole rant is about, is for someone to see everything I have seen in all those people in me. To go holy shitballs that guy, well lick my elbows and give me a kitten he's something different. That would most definitely be nice. That would make my year and maybe give me some reassurance that I'm not going to die alone with my hand rapper around and Xbox controller... (I'm probably going to hell for the Lady Gaga reference anyway)