Train never stops being awesome, especially when you shazam a sick song on the radio and they impress you with there unexpected awesomeness.
Everything about myself confuses the hell out of me. My ability to like someone and then not feel a thing for a week and then its on, off, on, off. The completely bearable loneliness doesn't bother me, I can deal with all that its the relationship that will never happen sitting one really great mistake away that kinda blows.
Single references, and lines and the constant mention of all of someone Else's abilities, the t-shirt, the smiles, laughs and various other nothings of day to day life that are like a slap to the inside of my face. AND WHY? Dear god man, it is ridiculous. How the fuck does half the freaking place know about it? Why does it even continue, its not just not a possibility its not even a thing. Its existence is only defined by its lack there of.
This is all bullshit and cheating anyway because I know you will read it. Damn it woman, you told me to write it. You wanted answer and insight. There you go. See how none of any of that makes sense, that's constant, just a constant stream of nonsense. Your not some love at first sight lie, some fallacy as to why I liked you, to cover up some hole. Sure that explanation i gave you made sense but that doesn't mean that what was going through my head did not involve at least seventy percent you. WAIT. I don't like you now, at least i don't think i do. you just have a funny affect on my head, The smiles and all the tongue poking. Melts the bad away for five minutes, and not in a I only want to be with you way but in a finally i have some peace and quiet in my head way. I have five minutes of clarity and then maybe several hours of confusion. As much as you can put boundaries on real life you cant do that with real thoughts.
Any who. Work is good, crazy an stressful but good. I am surrounded by people who surprise me with how much they care, i have a good hardworking job i enjoy. Some things make me wanna lose my head but i keep my calm and chive on. I like things neat and tidy which makes it a little harder but it also makes me push myself to keep everything running as smooth as possible.
AND SOMETIMES YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT THICK.
Home is good, i think Mum and Dad's are pretty happy with me, Dad and i are doing stuff together again now which is god. Little home projects and fishing and stuff and Mum seems to finally be out of her little funk. I seriously could not ask for better parents. No one could.
As for my life? The rest of it at JB no way. Don't get me wrong, a year? five? maybe. But not forever I still cannot wait to put on my cams and go to work. To look down and see toes, instead of toes and stomach. To see the old flames and friends and even the never were's and see that look of holy shit on there faces. (the plan for the England trip goes along these lines too)
Where is this going? nowhere. I could write more about knights, and warriors and the way I see the world but i have done so many times and if you want to know more or hear more you can bloody well ask. I could go on about the single life and how goddamn confused i am every second, but it will change nothing and improve nothing. So i leave it be here and say I will survive, and live on and end up being happy and alright.
Goodnight Friend.
