Pretentious assholes.
I'm angry a lot. more then i should be some would, not enough others would whisper. I have a job that i walk into most days smiling because its really not so terrible and its a new experience for me, but i must give off angry like a bad smell. I'm forever being told not to get angry or be angry or cranky or to get mad at people. Fuck, i cannot stand that, 80 percent of the time I'm a happy little big munchkin, I'm annoyed by people for sure but angry with them no but the moment, the very second that start the "don't get angry"speech i lose my shit. I cannot deal with it, i cannot stand people telling me what i think, i know whats going on in my head and yes I'm big and loud and all that other shit but i have been here 4 months. People should know the fucking difference between angry and not angry by now, and there is a big difference, when I'm angry people fucking know it, or at least they should. I feel like a completely different person when I'm angry, like I'm waiting for someone to push it to far and see the fury that i Carry around with me, so normally i stay calm and happy and good but people as i mentioned annoy me. I don't know, maybe i am just an ass hole, its a very real possibility, but I'm not changing anytime soon, i have been trying to for as long as i can remember, you getting mad at me for being mad at you for telling me I'm mad will not help.
She's not quite as infamous anymore, since i started seeing the cute insanely tired side of her but she is still completely outrageously awesome. It's like shes massaging my brain every time she rings me, making me feel less crazy less insane more at home. Fuck that's twisted. a girl that's 1500 something k's away makes me feel more at home in my own house simply by talking to me over the phone. I don't know, maybe its just another part of my madness. I have managed to convince her romance isn't so bad though, which is good, because knowing my cheesiness she'll be seeing a little bit more of it before the end. Listening to her try and hate me through her smiling was kinda awesome for me, I think I'm something completely different to her, or at least i like to think so. I know shes something completely alien to me, i have met girls like her, little bits and pieces that i know, that i have seen before. I put likeness to her as a match to fire but shes more like a blowtorch to a drum full of petrol. she'll more then likely roll her eyes to some if not all of this but i don't mind because she thinks I'm awesome and she knows it. Its not love, but it is like, and that's bananas and chocolate to me at the moment. I'm enjoying this, which is really something new indeed.
I don't know where i am going. That brings me down, all night, most nights. I need a direction that my mind is willing to wake up and go for. I need some sleep, some real proper sleep.
