And I am a street light shining...

I'm a wild light blinding bright and burning off alone. I give massive amounts of credit to the Foo Fighters for letting me rock it out during high school and letting me steal there lyrics to start things like this.

I have already told you how much we take from movies, how things should work, how we perceive things really do work. Its not all bullshit, I met a girl, a woman actually who fell in love with me after a single week of us being together. Sadly my feeling did not mirror her own and out of a sense of decency i ended it. This is not going to be a post about love but i will ask a question about it here. What affects our ideas of love? I work with a women who does not believe in marriage, because she feels it is pointless, expensive and unnecessary when two people are together and in love. I dated a girl once who simply didn't believe in it, well back then anyway. It is discussed as some greatly indescribable thing, something that just happens, a single look between two people and this compulsion known as love comes over you. Relativity, Einstein said some pretty interesting stuff about it, whether he really believed everything was relative i will never know but id like to. He seems like a bloke i could generally get along with apart from the massive difference in intelligence of course. My parents are married and happy, have been for a bloody long time, my brothers parents are not, but his mother and father are still my mother and father. I have met people who don't even know who there fathers are, i have met victims of domestic abuse, rape and all the other terrible things two people can do to each other that still believe in love. This doesn't seem to be coming out the way i intended, my point is, love is relative to your own experiences. If you have a string of relationships that are horrible beyond belief, violence, fear, cheating, lying, and then you meet someone who is halfway up the nice guy meter, he treats you well, flatters you, buys you things, does his best to make you happy, he may seems perfect simply because of your history with ass holes. Love grows between you because you have never met anyone better than this person. To me that is not love, that is a sadly kind of devotion. This person makes me happy therefore i will stick by them forever and call it love. Its false and fake and not right, not to blamed on anyone but sometimes I hope that other people have come to this realisation, can see what i see and are out there telling others that Love exists, and to not be fooled by these charlatans and self created hallucinations of grandeur and decency. I don't like this paragraph, it didn't come out how i would have liked but i will leave it in the hope that those who know me will read what i meant and not what i have written.

A wild light burning bright. Sometimes not as bright as i would like. I do not stand alone in a field facing down my enemies, I do not walk out of the mist just in time to save the damsel in distress. I am not a light in the darkness leading the way for those who would follow. I am a bartender in the middle of nowhere dreaming of a greatness long since past. I grew up with books and movies and ideals and the want to be the hero of my own story, to have someone write about my adventures one day. Sadly i am old enough to know that the likelihood of this happening are next to nothing, but that is why hope is painted as a fire it will burn as long as you feed it fuel. Every look, every chance encounter,every new skill learned, every new book read is fuel for that fire. Some let it burn brighter then others, some burn longer and lower and there are days where it burns as mere embers in the blackness that is despair but i have always found ways to let it flare up again and bring me back to reality.

Archery, another step into the past, another part of my life that people will just never understand. Also pulled from books, my love of the old ways of war. Archery, sword fights, Calvary, everything. Its one of the many reasons i plan to learn to ride while I'm out here, to kick ass from horseback would be rather awesome. Archery is going better then i thought it would although finding a place to practise is hard even out here. I own a sword, a Sicilian rapier, not quite what i went in to buy that day but an elegant weapon none the less, impressive simply because of the speed you can use it with. I'm torn between buying a Chinese jian and a hand-and-a-half  bastard sword. I think i will go with the jian first, lighter and more versatile then the larger, heavier European sword. I used to know a guy who was obsessed with this stuff, his name was Jake Spalding, i name him without fear mostly because hes a douchebag but also because those who know him know that he really really is a douchebag. He had collections, zippos, swords, a bow, which when i was 16 seemed impressive until i realised that to own these things means nothing, to pretend to use them makes you an idiot and a jackass. What i own are weapons, not toys, not replicas and not shitty metal ripoffs. Carbon steal blades that would cut a man clean in half if i had the strength to do so. I 55 pound compound bow that will shoot clean through a pig at 50 metres. Yes they are important to me, and they let me live in a world long in the past but they are not for display, or to show off but for my own entertainment, for me and for no one else. I worry some days that i will turn into that idiot, that i will become the douchebag that i so loath and then i remember that my friends are awesome and wont let me drift that far down the river asshole. and for that i love them.

The infamous A. P. At first i didn't even see her, i saw Summer Hartlery, Rachel Weisz's character from Definitely Maybe. Scary beautiful in that green dress and those glasses. And when i did see her, i found some thing even more incredible, that my life could become even more ridiculously unlucky, or maybe I'll find something good in this mystery of what am i supposed to do. See there are limitations to life, things you can do and cant do and then there's the all to well known grey area where i reside as i type this. Intelligent beyond almost anyone i know, talented, creative, funny and with a smile that would knock Hugh Jackman flat on his ass. Those limitations that stand in the way will be gone in just a matter of years. Scary to think you plan that far ahead for someone you have only seen twice. Don't read to deep i am not in love, just intrigued and happy that someone smiled back for once. Time, it must be taken, to know more and learn more and talk and discuss and find what I'm looking for. Maybe she has it, maybe this is the real test. Or maybe not but ill have fun finding out either way. And i hope she will to.

That is enough for today, I have vented and expressed, I have told you what I felt needed to be said. Good day and thankyou.

The life and times of Frank Jr...

GOD GAVE ROCK'N'ROLL TO YOU!

gave rock n roll to you, gave rock n roll to everyone, put in the soul of everyone.

Fuck the pain and the bullshit worries. be happy, don't do drugs, drink comfortably not stupidly. Do dangerous fun things and be smart about it. Like using the technical know how of my roommate to make a self igniting supersoaker flamethrower or using fire arrows to BOOMSHAKALAKA. Just be awesome, dont fuck around, live and be fucking happy about it. Head bang to no music whatsoever. Stand in elevators facing the wrong way, just do what makes you happy without hurting other people. Smile at beautiful ladies, get there numbers, be happy. Beautiful ladies (not that any of them read this but shutthefuckup) give decent blokes your number. Be excellent to each other. We live in a world of murder and mayhem, war and violence and crime and bullshit and sadness and tears and problems and we all spend far to much time thinking about it and worrying and being fucking emo kids. Cheer the fuck up, laugh at the ridicilous, laugh at nothing at all just smile and be happy but not a hippy... dirty stinking hippies.








I came for my motherfucking keys, to my motherfucking mini van and that's whats up!

Fuck.

Take what you want, give nothing back!

Who lives like that.. who has that lifestyle.. who get to be that guy?

I sure as hell dont. Fuck my life. Fuck being nice. Fuck everything about being who I am. About who I want to be. Fuck being this person.