Smallvilles on again, it’s my current TV obsession. I had a hard day at work and a strange evening at Maccas, and I found myself trying to explain the brand I have on my arm. You see when I was young and a dickhead I got hurt (as all young dickheads do) by a girl, and afterwards went on, let’s call it a rampage of the sexual nature and did a lot of stupid things I regretted immensely, so to remind myself of that ever more and to punish myself I sat down in my backyard with a pair of pliers, a lighter and a roll of wire to set about the task of shaping letters, heating them and then burning the word regret into my arm. Sick I know, but at the time it felt like the right thing to do and it did make me feel better. Released a lot of the anger I had been keeping inside... and now I have completely lost track of where I was going. Let’s just call that the story of the scarred arm and leave it at that.
So Hayley, starting this story is like trying to find the right side of a coconut, you go in circles over and over again and just end up smashing the thing on a rock when you get mad. Except I wouldn’t smash Hayley on a rock I'd take her to Fiji and many other nice places. It starts with a trampoline. It was Christmas and the year was one I can barely remember. My mother had dragged me down to her friend’s house for Christmas as my father was away; there I met the Ross’s. They were and still are a pretty average family, but I headed out back to have a few games with their kids, Jarrod, Rebecca and the infamous Hayley. So much playing ensued and the night slowly went on, at some point the younger two kids headed inside and I found myself sitting on the trampoline not 4 feet from this smart young girl who scared the living hell out of. You see at 15 I was completely inexperienced at anything involving the opposite gender and frankly, rather shit at talking to chicks to. The conversation went for an age, for longer than I can honestly recall before my saintly yet incredibly annoying mother was calling me away to head home for the night. For the next few days I found myself thinking about this girl more often than not, and also thinking about how young she was. So that was the first step in a very long very painful journey.
The next step however didn’t happen for quite some time, I managed to find myself a girlfriend and have her dump me and metaphorically destroy my heart at an atomic level and then there was the whole scarring thing explained above and then magically Hayley popped back into my life. Many, many hour long phone calls later and I started getting the tingling feeling in my stomach, I was 17 and she was 15 which trust me, fucked with my head to no end. I felt twisted and wrong and fucked in the head, I beat myself up about it more than any of you who thought DUDE SHE WAS 15 would like to. So nothing happened I let it go, she went through boyfriends I went through girlfriend, not plural, just the one. BUT THEN ta-da, a year went past and I found myself thinking about her again and this time I was ready, I was in it to win and all those other things people say when there on the telly. So what’s my big plan? On the way home drop into her work and tell her everything, so she’s on break, sitting there across from me looking incredibly beautiful even in her butchers outfit, and she tells me about her boyfriend. Her 26 year old boyfriend. I was crushed, destroyed, obliviated, I was beaten to the chase by some 26 year old creep, of whom I had the pleasure of meeting recently (he looked like he smelled like shit, that’s how disgusting this bloke was), and well many more hour long phone calls ensued.
So Hayley, starting this story is like trying to find the right side of a coconut, you go in circles over and over again and just end up smashing the thing on a rock when you get mad. Except I wouldn’t smash Hayley on a rock I'd take her to Fiji and many other nice places. It starts with a trampoline. It was Christmas and the year was one I can barely remember. My mother had dragged me down to her friend’s house for Christmas as my father was away; there I met the Ross’s. They were and still are a pretty average family, but I headed out back to have a few games with their kids, Jarrod, Rebecca and the infamous Hayley. So much playing ensued and the night slowly went on, at some point the younger two kids headed inside and I found myself sitting on the trampoline not 4 feet from this smart young girl who scared the living hell out of. You see at 15 I was completely inexperienced at anything involving the opposite gender and frankly, rather shit at talking to chicks to. The conversation went for an age, for longer than I can honestly recall before my saintly yet incredibly annoying mother was calling me away to head home for the night. For the next few days I found myself thinking about this girl more often than not, and also thinking about how young she was. So that was the first step in a very long very painful journey.
The next step however didn’t happen for quite some time, I managed to find myself a girlfriend and have her dump me and metaphorically destroy my heart at an atomic level and then there was the whole scarring thing explained above and then magically Hayley popped back into my life. Many, many hour long phone calls later and I started getting the tingling feeling in my stomach, I was 17 and she was 15 which trust me, fucked with my head to no end. I felt twisted and wrong and fucked in the head, I beat myself up about it more than any of you who thought DUDE SHE WAS 15 would like to. So nothing happened I let it go, she went through boyfriends I went through girlfriend, not plural, just the one. BUT THEN ta-da, a year went past and I found myself thinking about her again and this time I was ready, I was in it to win and all those other things people say when there on the telly. So what’s my big plan? On the way home drop into her work and tell her everything, so she’s on break, sitting there across from me looking incredibly beautiful even in her butchers outfit, and she tells me about her boyfriend. Her 26 year old boyfriend. I was crushed, destroyed, obliviated, I was beaten to the chase by some 26 year old creep, of whom I had the pleasure of meeting recently (he looked like he smelled like shit, that’s how disgusting this bloke was), and well many more hour long phone calls ensued.
I wrote her a letter. I don’t think she'll ever see it, but for some reason... I want you, whoever you may be, to see it. I was in Perth at the time, in the process of moving away from the most beautiful person of all time and all of my friends and one of the only places in the world i've ever really considered home, but thats another story, one for another time when im more depressed and ready to tell it.
Find my next post and read how pathetically in love with this girl i was...
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